So it has been a year since I had surgery. My first surgical even for GCS happened 8/23/22. Many know what happened with that one. Surgery went well, as did my initial recovery in hospital – although I found that lying in a hospital bed for a full week was extremely difficult. With little to no movement allowed and most certainly no getting out of bed, well there is not much that you can do to alleviate discomfort. Boredom is another matter. I mean there was TV, movies, plus I made sure I had what I needed to do some writing. Had initially brought reading materials too, but well it was a saucy story so that turned out to be not a good thing.
So as I was saying, my first surgical event
happened a year and 7 days ago. I think, although honestly can’t recall
exactly, that I was released from hospital on the 30th of
August, and as I write this on August 30th, this could be the anniversary of my getting
home with my vag. Initially all that went well, dilation was happened,
etc, yada yada, but then there was wound separation. As I shared last
year, we know that I had to go back into hospital for a review about a
week after getting home. That review turned
into a major decision. The one thing I didn’t want to occur, happened.
My skin graft failed and my canal was pretty much kapoot. So the
decision – revise back to full depth, or shallow. Spent the night
thinking about it. There was going to be a more complicated
recovery for full depth – well actually even for shallow depth my
recovery would be a bit more complicated due to the initial failure.
Anyway long story short, too late, lol – I opted for revising to
shallow. Spent another week in hospital, got home and then
into regular recovery. Recovery from Shallow depth was a lot easier
than even the week and a half I spent with full.
So now here we are, almost a year later. I mean we
are a year later with my full depth, it’ll be another 8 days before
it’ll be my shallow vagiversary.
Like I said – it has been a year, and even today I
still have moments where the surgical area can get extremely tender,
particularly when I’ve been sitting at a desk all day, or doing a lot of
movement.
Recovery took way longer than I initially expected.
Oh 6 weeks after the surgery I was definitely mobil, and feeling very
little pain – there was discomfort, almost constant, but it wasn’t pain
exactly. My movements were slow, but I was
able to get around.
I had gained a bit of weight during my recovery –
about 10lbs – took so many months to shed that gained weight, partly
because my stamina had suffered.
Getting back to a regular routine was more
difficult than expected. Prior to surgery I was exercising almost every
day. Atleast 5 of the days I was getting 10k+ steps. That went to zero
for a week in hospital, then a few hundred upon being
released, then back to zero again after my second surgery and very few
upon my release back home on the second one as the Doctor wanted me to
take it easy at first. It took so long to get up to a place where I was
over 1000 steps – and even after 6 weeks,
well I was still walking slowly, gingerly and not nearly as much as I
was used to – and it was only ever walking.
I think it was like 12 weeks before I could really
begin to increase my activity and at that point I had to take it real
easy and build up to it. My stamina, endurance, strength and speed had
all suffered tremendously during that time.
And it took such a long time for me to increase my activity to where I
felt I was actually exercising, and that is one reason it took me months
and months to shed even the 10lbs I had gained. And still a year later,
I am not quite to where I thought I would
be, getting there, but just shy of it. But I am finally feeling that I
am almost as strong as I was before surgery. I write this not to
dissuade anyone, but provide information. Everything you research and
Doctors will tell you that initial recovery is 6-12
weeks – and that is pretty accurate. By 6 weeks you are not
experiencing pain – well I wasn’t and you can start exploring, plus
things are really starting to feel good during that exploration. But
Doctors and research don’t often cover how long it will take
you to get your strength back to pre-surgery levels. It can take a long
time. After 6 weeks I was back at work, I managed to stay remote for a
few extra weeks, then worked slowly into going back to the office – my
work was 3 days in office at that point –
I started out slowly, with one, then built up to two, then managed to
get it back to 1 day again for a while. It wasn’t painful, but dang
would it get uncomfortable. Yes you are moving around ok and all, but
you need to sit down gingerly for a good long time.
And by the end of the day you are getting tired and uncomfortable. Most
people could tell when I was starting to feel that discomfort as I’d
sit down even more gingerly – I guess my walking was about the same at
the end of the day. So with all of that, all
the soft, delicate movements, having to ease into things – it can take a
good long time to get all your strength back.
One thing I noticed is that even when things
started to feel good and movements were easier and all – there were
still times when it felt just plain weird down there. I mean, it is
understandable, major configuration change, takes a bit
of getting used to. But walking faster feels weird, sitting down on the
toilet can feel strange, running, yeah that just feels completely
strange. But I also practiced Karate, Taekwondo and a few others. So the
most weird thing is a side kick. As soon as you
lift your leg up, and kick out to the side. You feel those lips part
and wow, it is just the strangest feeling. Even up to almost a year
later it still feels odd. Kinda feels the same if you move into a
kneeling position without underwear and all. It’s pretty
much just a matter of adjusting to things moving that never did before,
lol. But it is so very interesting, as well as strange.
Some things I did not expect – well didn’t really
expect that strange sensation when I sat down, or did a side kick.
Surprised me at first. And it takes a while for your parts to get used
to that, particularly if those parts were fully
covered pre-surgery. How it felt to explore surprised me. And yes I am
just gonna say it playing felt so good, surprisingly good. I think what
really surprised me the most was how much fluid I still produced. If I
spend time getting myself going, well I still
produce quite a bit of fluid, far more than I thought. And the end
result – well that is just way, way more than I thought, better than I
imagined, but still more. Another surprise, after I had fully recovered
an could explore is that I still have a slight
cavity where the canal would be. It’s about an inch deeper than the
rest of the cavity, so there is still something there, more than I
thought I’d have after the Doctor said it would just heal up. And then
another surprise was hair growth – after so much electrolysis
I did not expect as much hair to return. But I suppose it kinda makes
sense as what I am seeing now is mostly outside of the area she
concentrated on before surgery, and it’s just more visible, cause ya
know, nothing sticking out from it anymore, lol. But
during my initial recovery I avoided any kind of grooming, just to make
sure I didn’t cut myself, or damage myself in any way. And yeah it got
quite busy, lol. Fortunately I don’t really mind that.
So a year on and how do I feel?
Back when I had to choose between my revision to
full or shallow, I was worried that I’d regret whatever choice I made.
And yes there may always be an element of that no matter what you do. At
the time it was a basic cost benefit analysis
that did not add up. And for this year I have been extremely content,
happy with the results. The way it looks beneath underwear, leggings,
jeans or pants is all I could have asked for. That smooth shape, the
thing I wanted more than anything in this life,
I now have and it is even more amazing to see than I ever thought. When
I look in the mirror my body does not disgust me anymore – well ok I
still want to lose some more weight, lol – but the rest of it doesn’t
disgust me. I really like to see it. And yes
I have spent quite a bit of time looking at the vag in a mirror – it is
awesome. I love the way it looks. I have enjoyed all the sensations and
exploration this past year, and I continue to be so happy and so glad
that I went for surgery.
Do I have regrets? Sure, anytime you do something
big there is going to be regrets. I regret that the first surgery fell
apart. And I do regret, a little, that I lost my canal and did not
revise to full depth. There are times when I wish
that I’d just went ahead and done that. But I really didn’t want to use
skin from my stomach area, that would just complicate my recovery and
didn’t appeal to me at all. At the time I figured it might be better to
weight, they will improve these surgeries
over time and I might be able to revise back to full depth in the
future. So yes I have some regrets about not going to full depth.
Honestly that it still in the cards and something I may consider in a
the future. I miss not having a canal. I miss not being
able to explore that. But all that being said I am still so far beyond
happy with what I have.
Now my biggest regret – NOT DOING THIS DECADES AGO –
Oh how I wish I’d transitioned years ago, and I really wish I’d had
surgery all those years ago. Waiting so long, well it sucks on many
levels. Made the recovery a bit more arduous for
one thing. But also shortened the amount of time I really have with the
body I know that I should have been born with.
So all other regrets aside – for those can be overcome, changed and I can still fix that – the biggest and longest lasting regret, the one that will never change is waiting so damn long to do this. So for all those doubters out there – although I doubt they’d read this anyway – but for all those who think being Trans is a phase – well it’s a hell of a long phase and I certainly do not regret surgery. I in know way mutilated my body – it was born mutilated and now its corrected as best as medical science can accomplish. Well almost, minus a canal – which like I said is still an option in the future.
