A response to J K Rowling and her essay

In response to essay from J.K Rowling

 

Firstly, I would like to say that I fully support your right to believe as you do and to express those beliefs. I am an ardent supporter of freedom of speech. However, when you exercise that right you should expect that others will exercise it too and those others will not always agree with you.

In regards to your essay – there is a lot to say about it. I am happy that you have been educating yourself and researching what it is to be Transgender. However, you have not lived that and research pales in comparison to our daily struggles.

I will address more of your essay below, but I just wanted to state here that you mentioned knowing some Trans and I applaud you for that, however did you listen to them, hear their stories, listen to what they have to deal with on a daily basis and the adversity heaped against them. You also mentioned one person had memories, reflections of being a Gay man. I will never diminish that experience for them, however every path is different. I am and always have been attracted to women. And I have no memories of being a man. All my memories are of a woman born with a birth defect that society did not accept. My orientation has never changed, even through transition. In my belief orientation has nothing to do with transitioning. Agreed some might confuse one for the other, but they are most certainly not the same. And any confusion would be found out during the transition, when you have to meet councilors on a regular basis and meet with all the doubt and adversity thrown at you from society in general.

I also applaud your bravery in addressing the hardships in your own life and I will never try to diminish that for you. You have indeed been through many hardships and I think you are exceedingly brave to admit, face and address those in a public forum.

Now to your essay

Yes you have obviously done your research, but it does appear to be slanted towards the side that fights against transitioning. As mentioned above, research pales in comparison to our lives. In regards to your statistics of detransitioning, I believe your numbers are misleading at best. A research analysis showed that of the 3,398 trans patients who had appointments at an NHS Gender Identity Service between 2016 and 2017, less than one per cent said in those appointments that they had experienced transitioned-related regret, or had detransitioned. And have you considered how many people might detransition due to societal pressure placed upon them to remain sheep like every other member of society. And since gender identity can indeed be fluid it could simply mean they realized there were nonbinary when it comes to gender. There are as many reasons for detransitioning as there are for transitioning and to offer a generic percentage is most certainly misleading.

Mostly what I wish to address are your comments regarding restroom or use of single gender facilities. I recognize your concerns in regards to what you have experienced in your life. However, to state that you are concerned about your children using the same facilities as Trans people is quite insulting. While I am sure you did not mean it to be, it does come across like you regard all Trans as in the same bracket as pedophiles and it is that inference that I especially find objectionable. I would recommend being more careful with how you phrase your concerns, particularly when it is Trans people that face more verbal and physical abuse when being out in society. While it has become easier to change gender markers, there are still many loopholes to jump through. I am British citizen living in the US and as of yet I have been unable to change anything regarding my birth certificate. And while I am more familiar with how transitioning works in the US, I do believe there are similarities. And Trans people in the UK cannot actually change their birth certificate. The obtain a gender recognition certificate which immediately identifies them as Trans, since their original birth certificate will never match their identity and handing over a gender recognition certificate for any official reasons will allow everyone to know they are Trans and subject them to possible discrimination.

I will admit in certain locations things are easier for Trans than they used to be. However, we still face discrimination and possible violence on a daily basis. Have you looked at the statistics of how many Trans are unemployed, or in low paid jobs? Or how many have to fall into sex work just to make ends meet. We face difficulty in all aspects of life. Many experiences being disowned by family and friends, face difficulty in finding work and have difficulty with medical treatments that they need to correct their birth defect. And vocal opinions like yours simply make lives even more difficult. I wonder if you realize how many people experienced severe dysphoria brought about by your words. The way you express yourself often feels like an attack, a denial of our gender and such attacks always result in paralyzing dysphoria that can take days to recover from. We already have to fight dysphoria on an almost daily basis and the only thing that makes it better, in my opinion, is transitioning and having people accept my true gender. Every time I have to deal with a person denying my gender, I have to combat dysphoria.

I cannot speak for every Trans person, but can only share my experiences. I knew, from before the age of 10 that I was not how I appeared on the outside. Granted at that time, I was not aware of what the problem was, due to the lack of information available in the 1980’s. After a few years I found out enough to know that I was supposed to be female, but I saw how much ridicule people like that experienced and knew that I could not expose myself to all the abuse, nor did I think my family would accept me. So for 30 years and more I buried it, I fought it, I denied who I was. My experiences of womanhood in no way diminishes yours. But when you go to sleep every single night praying, begging and dreaming of waking up to a body that matches your identity, then you cannot know how difficult it is. And when you wake up each and every morning with crushing despair when you see your dreams have not come true, only then will you know what it is to be Trans. I am not talking about some perceived notion of a lack of gender, or some middle ground, I talk of and I experienced an overwhelming need to be a girl, to have a body like a girl and every morning I woke up to see that I was still trapped in this god ugly form I stared despair directly in the eyes. I had to fight crushing depression every single morning, just to force myself out of bed. But still I did not have the strength to admit it, or share my issue with anyone. I kept is secret, locked away, forced it down deep every time I woke up.

It was only when I got to 40 that I finally ran out of strength to fight and deny my gender dysphoria and at that point I knew I had to do something. My life had to change. I had to move from the depression that had dogged my entire life. And when I did finally accept it, I found there was no easy path. Researching what it is to transition and seeing the path as set out by WPATH I felt even more fear. Do you have any idea how traumatizing it is to face a real life experience, and to have to live as the identified gender before you are allowed anything? Granted the practices have eased up in recent years, but even to get on HRT you need to attend regular counseling and you have to prove you are Trans, before that councilor will write the necessary letter to a medical doctor to start hormones. And changing gender markers, takes even more steps, more counseling, and a letter from medical practitioners. So, your argument about men changing their birth certificate to sneak into women’s facilities is specious at best.

After my first therapist visit it took me a further 3 months to have the necessary documentation to begin HRT and upon first beginning I could in no way present as female. I still needed time for the hormones to take effect. But worse than that I still had to come out to my family and even at 40 years old I was still terrified of what my Mum would say, with good reason, since she was not happy at all and our relationship was never the same. Other family members also refused to accept and with some denying me my pronouns and my name. As if they had the right to define my identity. My mother passed without us ever reconciling and that alone was the reason why it took me so long to admit who I was. All through my life I was afraid of how my mother would react and it turned out my fears were justified.

Then we face the idea of coming out to friends, co-workers and having to change how we present. I was excited, jubilant but also terrified. Every time I stepped out the door, I felt fear of reprisals from those that harbor hatred towards Trans but mixed with that is the excitement of finally being my true self. But then we face more crushing despair when prominent people in society attempt to deny us, and then others attempt to enshrine their bigoted beliefs in laws, to limit our rights. Many say we are choosing this or doing it for the attention. That is truly ridiculous, as none of us would choose this life, choose to face verbal and physical abuse every day. Are you even aware of how many trans are beaten and killed every year simply for being their authentic selves? The difficulties we face from society takes so much of the joy out of our journey. You cannot imagine who exciting it can be to finally start becoming who you have always felt you should be. And as one who has lived with it for over 30 years, I know for a fact that I was always supposed to be female. I could also point to various studies showing that Trans brains are similar in size and function to those of the gender they identify as. And newer studies indicating a possible genetic reason for it. But I do not need those studies to know that it is real.

I have been transitioning for 5 years and, as of yet, have not been able to have any surgery. I do want to, but it is sometimes difficult to get health insurance to cover it in the States. I know its different in the UK, but still on the NHS it is a path that takes years, and one that’s full of pain and discomfort, particularly with hair removal in MTF trans. That is painful, uncomfortable and at times embarrassing, but it is all necessary. So there are Trans people that delay surgery for many reasons. Should they be denied facilities matching their gender identity and how they present to society. If a law was passed to state we had to go into the restroom of the gender assigned at birth, I would need to continually break the law. If I followed the law and used the men’s room I would face verbal abuse at best but would most likely be physically attacked. Indeed, even now I fear reprisals when I use a restroom. All I and many of my brothers and sisters want is to be treated with dignity while using facilities, but so many people want to remove that dignity from our lives and for no reasonable reason. If we cannot use the facilities of our gender identity, where should we go? Should they build a Trans only restroom, further labelling us as a leper in society. Segregation worked so well in the past, Not. Society has shown time and time again that when one group is marginalized by another the results are disastrous. It is time we accept and embrace the differences in everyone and that we extend the dignity of allowing them to be their true, authentic selves.

This is all just food for thought, something for you to consider while you are sharing your opinions. I am sure you meant nothing hateful by your comments, however they do come across as an attack on Trans and that you are denying us our life existence. Surely you can understand why we might feel this given how difficult our lives already are. Do you really think we need more adversity heaped in our paths? Or would it not be better to afford us some small amount of dignity.

I will be clear that I do not wish to change what anyone believes. I fully accept and support that people are free to believe as they do, and indeed they should. It would be a dull world if we all believed the same. I do not want to change minds. I just wish to be treated with dignity and words like you shared do not show any dignity to me, rather the reverse. I never want people to just accept what I believe, but I want people to stop trying to enforce their limiting beliefs in laws. Comments from well-known popular people do influence many and encourage others to force their beliefs into regressive and limiting laws.

All I ask for is people to extend the same respect to me as I give to them. Respect my rights. Realize that the only person that has the right to define my identity is ME. No one else should have that right. No one else should be able to decide my pronouns or what name I use. When others change their names, there are no objections, but as soon as a person does that as part of a transition, then people refuse to use it. As if they have a right to do that.

In all of this experience I have one regret. It is a huge one, a regret I live with daily. I do not regret transition. I regret not transitioning earlier in life. I regret being scared of who I was and delaying my transition. That is my only regret.

Only I have the right to define who I am, please understand that above all else and respect my rights as I respect yours.

Gia Watson