A Trans Story - A year of being Myself

A Trans story – A year of being myself

So we are approaching the end of my first year of being myself. This is not to say that I have only been transitioning for a year, for that began more than two years ago. But I am choosing to count from the day I got my first job that accepted me as Gia. It’s a bit of an arbitrary decision, but we all have to begin somewhere.

So Jan 30 2017 I started work at CBS radio and this was my first job where they only knew me as Gia. Actually it was not that they only knew me as Gia, it was the place that first fully accepted me as I am. They accepted me as the smart ass, wise cracking, stubborn bitch that I am, lol. They accepted me as the prideful Scottish girl, and mostly they accepted me as the Trans Woman I have been growing into.

There have been many changes in me this year. Oh I am still the smart ass, wise cracking stubborn bitch, lol, but I have also learned a lot about myself. My confidence in myself and in who I am has increased more than I would have thought possible. I am far more comfortable with my identity than I ever have been in the past.

Throughout this year, I have explored many ideas and beliefs and have been trying to mold them into what fits for me. Religion has never been a big part of my life, and I find it less so now, but it is still a big part of life on this planet and so I have been trying to understand it, particularly the conservative viewpoint of several religions. The unchanging, conservative mindset has always been confusing to me. I am slowly coming to the conclusion that they cannot help it, for it is embedded in their religious beliefs. Ok, I will admit that I don’t know too much about Christianity, Islam, Judaism, but I do know they have the same roots. From my understanding they have similar beliefs of what happens after life on this planet and that belief is one of paradise, of a perfect place of peace and beauty. In other words a static, unchanging place. So to my mindset that very core belief makes it difficult for many practitioners of these religions to open their minds and accept new things. Now I do not lump all followers into this generality, mostly just the conservative ones, and like I mentioned, my understanding of their religions is limited. The thought of an unchanging, never ending so called paradise is not particularly appealing to me at all, and so I have continued to open my mind and try to figure out what I truly believe. Part of me does believe in a divine element in the Universe, whether that element created all, or just started it off I do not know. But am beginning to believe that we are a part of that divine element and our physical existence is but a part of the overall journey and our bodies are just what we wear to interact on this small planet. So how then does gender and identity fit in to all of this – who the hell knows, I am still trying to figure a lot of this crap out, lol. But even divine entities might have an identity and I happen to think mine was most certainly feminine. But why did I end up with a male body – again who the hell knows. It is an ongoing mystery and one that I may never figure out. But the important thing I have learned this year is to be more comfortable in my journey and to be more comfortable with my true self, my true identity and since this body is but the clothing I wear to interact in this reality, then I can choose to change it to fit my identity. That is my right. And throughout this year I have become more comfortable in that belief. It matters not what others think of me, whether they think I am mistaken, or weird, or sinning. The only thing that matters is that I am comfortable with my decisions and my choices and that I am comfortably in my “clothing”.

I have long had difficulty in the idea that one religion could possibly define a being that started creation, and so I have never really followed any of them. However, I have realised that my stubborn pride has led me to reject a lot of things that could possibly help. Throughout this past year my belief that all religions and science are needed to fully understand the truth, has been growing in leaps and bounds. I have started to read up and learn more about various religions. I still have great difficulty with the spiritual aspects, particularly all the rules of each religion. I cannot imagine how or why a divine entity would even care what rules we follow. Would they even have any rules? This is our adventure, it’s up to us to make our rules and break or follow them. But most religions disagree with that view and have a whole list of rules that one must follow. Those are the parts I have difficulty with when it comes to faith. It’s not so much the belief in a higher being, for I am beginning to believe we are all a part of a higher state, but it’s the rules and regulations, the doctrine that makes me cringe and discount most of the religions.

There have been other changes and achievements along the way. I managed to update my driver’s license to reflect my new name and have the correct Gender marker on there, which in Nashville can be a huge accomplishment. And I have submitted for a new residency card, which is taking a bit of time, but in time I should have it and it should reflect the correct gender. As it comes to my transition many things were falling into place, and all the success helped me feel more comfortable and confident in myself.

It’s too bad that it had to end on a bit of a sour note. I ran headlong into conservative, unchanging policy. I have long found many people to be mean, closed minded and small. Oh along the way I have met several wonderful people, of all walks of life, who are open minded, loving and accepting of all, but it seems the closed minded still outnumber the open, and that’s a shame. But to clarify – throughout most of 2017 I worked for a company that accepted me as me, Trans, smart ass and all, but towards the end of the year we were bought by another company, this one apparently less accepting. For where I had insurance coverage before, I found out that this company excluded visits relating to Gender Dysphoria, pretty much the biggest reason I need insurance. Despite repeated emails I have had limited response, nothing beyond them telling me tough this is the way it is. So in spite of the gains I have made, the gains we have made in the Trans community it seems we have further to go than ever before. Granted those gains were set back by the idiot we have in the Whitehouse and the fact that the close minded have a majority in our government. But we did see changes, particularly in many companies who decided to embrace diversity and recognize that a diverse workforce was a good thing. But not all companies are as accepting and open minded. Some employers pretend to support diversity. If you read their equal opportunity policy you would think they were supportive, but then in all but 11 states you would find their health care coverage does not live up to the promise of their equal opportunity policy. It is beyond my understanding, how a company can say we support equal opportunity in all things but health coverage. What is so different about me getting my hormone levels checked, and a Cis woman having the same thing done? Is my Trans blood more dangerous? Do they think it might infect them? I have no idea and it’s a real shame that as we begin 2018 the health coverage for Transgender is still an issue.

So yes 2017 saw many changes, most good, but some not so helpful. Despite the lack of coverage, I think the good of last year far outweighs the bad, but only because I have become more comfortable in my true self, and it is my true self that I intend to make blossom as we move into 2018.